After every flight, pilots of a certain parcel delivery airline (which shall remain unnamed) fill out a form called a “gripe sheet” which tell the mechanics about problems with the aircraft. Here are some complaints submitted by pilots, and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.